A wise woman once said, “you deserve what you tolerate.”
You know who I’m talking about for sure. I love how this woman called out people and told them something everyone needed to hear. Jokes aside, what she said is true.
Everyone thinks living peacefully means just not letting the bad energy bother you even though you know it’s there. It’s actually more than that. I learned that you have to be aggressive and actually have to do something about it. And the things you have to do isn’t as easy as just meditating, writing down how you feel or pampering yourself. These are helpful activities, but they are only complementary to the actual thing.
The 20’s era is all about making connections, discovering about yourself, and detaching from the influences that we grew up with. It entails a lot of mistakes and discomfort, which could really take a toll on us. For me, it induces anxiety and self doubt, which really disrupts my inner peace.
That said, I’d like to share exactly how I protect my peace at 25.
- This first one is becoming a common practice these days: unfollow, mute, hide, unfriend or remove followers. If you are uncomfortable seeing them on your online space, then why are they still there? You’re just a few clicks away of regaining your peace. Do it!
- Do what’s best for you. It’s okay to inconvenience someone for your peace of mind. This can come in the form of late replies or no replies at all, canceling plans, being honest even if the truth might be painful, and choosing not to explain yourself. You don’t owe anyone anything.
- Keep your life private. I used to be so transparent on my social media. I showed a lot about myself on my socials. I even posted every day. I changed my profile picture every month. I wanted to stay relevant because I thought that’s how it should be. This went on until college.
Social media was so new back then, there weren’t a lot of bad issues yet. Then unpleasant things started happening, my inner peace felt like it was threatened. It was only late last year that I finally set all my socials to private. And it was only this month I started doing tip #1 (unfollow, mute, hide, unfriend and remove followers).
You know what they say, “they can’t ruin what they don’t know”.
- Don’t let the wrong people get to know you. How do you know if they are considered a “wrong person”? — when they ask you something and then they use it against you or for their benefit.
- Be comfortable saying no, and say it confidently/firmly. Some people can’t get a grasp of the word “no”. These people need a big, fat and very obvious NO so they’d understand. You should draw the line in a thick and bold mark so it’s clear that it’s a boundary they shouldn’t cross. For those who don’t respect that, well…you might want to switch to your savage side for this one.
- Beware of people who can’t take a hint, manipulate or gaslight. These are all red flags. If you notice these early on in your “friendship”/relationship, it’s best to distance yourself ASAP, and cut them off later if you must.
- Say what you need to say. Instead of letting things slide to keep the peace, think about the peace within you (just like what Tony’s therapist said).
- Use your time wisely. To do this, you have to figure out your goals first. Then you can figure out how you can use your time according to the things you are trying to achieve. Next thing you know, you’re too busy thinking about the unnecessary things that don’t really serve you well.
- Don’t let stress and anxiety control your life. It’s better said than done, I know. This month was all about that for me and I acquired a whole new level of respect for those who are dealing with any mental health issues. In order to win, you have to draw out your sword and battle it out. Escaping it will only make it worse. As the saying goes, “the only way out is through.”
- Let go. This is the ultimate tip of protecting your peace, and I saved the best for last. I wrote this last simply because you can’t fully let go of something if there’s still even a tiny part of it that still bothers you. If it still bothers you then go back to any of the previous items in the list and do something about it.
You are in control of your life. Don’t tolerate thoughts that don’t serve you. You can’t allow it to take over you. And you shouldn’t expect someone to save you. Whatever you’re dealing with, face it. Change what you can, accept what you can’t. Then let it go.
It’s not gonna be easy though. You’re going head to head with something that’s uncomfortable, that’s hard and scary. Just do things one step at a time. Breathe in between, and remember that it’s okay to do it afraid. Small progress is still progress!
We truly hope you find your peace. When you do, protect it! Peace within brings peace all around.
Take care of you!
the other girl under the sun